I happened across a post by Alyssa McNab on the Homesteaders Life Company blog the other day that I found very interesting.  Ms. McNab had interviewed Dr. Jason Trayer of Mt. Hope Grief Services on the grief process including what he refers to as instrumental and intuitive grief.

Dr. Trayer delves a little into the differences of each of those types, types that we sometimes refer to as grief from the “head” or grief from the “heart”.  He talks a little about how these can also be known as “masculine” or “feminine” grief because, in general, the different styles are perpetuated by males or females.

The article goes on to talk about that funeral professionals should know about the basics of grief and the different styles because we are many times asked “is my grief normal?”.  “Normal” can actually be very different he points out so we should have an idea on the different styles in order to give a  proper answer.  Dr. Trayer also states that, “Just understanding and acknowledging that there are different styles is an important first step for funeral professionals”.

Funeral Director Daily take:  I found this short read somewhat reinforced what I do know about the grief process — that there are different types, that people grieve differently, and, while we can see similarities, there is no “normal”.

I found it interesting that Dr. Trayer describes instrumental grieving as more action oriented and more than likely is more masculine.  Of late, the last several years, I have seen men, in what I would call the “action oriented” mode get tattoos with the deceased’s name somewhere on their bodies.  To me, this seems fairly new – as I didn’t see it happen in the 80s, or the 90s, but is fairly “normal” today.

In contrast, Dr. Trayer points out, women grieve in a more intuitive or “traditional” style in which they are comforted by the sharing of emotions and stories.  I continue to see that.

All in all, this was a very good article and interview and one I suggest that you take a look at.[wpforms id=”436″ title=”true” description=”true”]