Today marks the beginning of the Christmas week.  For many of us that means that we will be joyously reunited with family members we don’t get to see very often.  However, for almost three million American families it will be the first Christmas with a loved one missing from the celebration.  For them, it will be a difficult Christmas as there will be an empty chair at the table, around the fireplace, and around the Christmas tree.

 

I remember as a teenager when my father died.  It was 45 years ago and at this time of the year I always think of that first Christmas without him.  Everything went pretty normal leading up to Christmas Eve. . . . I scurried around and brought presents, we had Christmas Eve dinner with our regular group, we then went to late Christmas Eve services at our church. . . . . and then, we came home — just the four of us — myself, two brothers, and my mom.

 

We sat in chairs gathered around the tree ready to pass out our Christmas gifts to each other. . . . and then. . . we cried.  You see, it was then when we all realized the permanence of Dad being gone.  He was the one, who at that time, was the life of the party.  A pretty reserved funeral director. . . .this was where we remembered him best.  Passing out the gifts to his small family and simply being grateful for our little family.  It was a simple tradition that we held as a small family unit. . .and now it was gone.

 

I tell you this story just so you realize that every one of those families you helped this year as a funeral director may have somebody who felt like I did. . . realizing that empty chair and the permanence of such.  But, being funeral directors and funeral home owners we have the ability to help.

 

Over the years we are learning that most of what we do in caring for deaths is for the living.  Helping survivors get back on the path to that new normalcy after the death of a loved one.  However, in my grief struggles I remember fondly my Mom and Dad. . . and I enjoy hearing them recalled from others once in a while.  It’s somewhat of a confirmation that they lived lives of meaning when someone else recalls them to me.

 

And, as a funeral director I’ve learned that people do want to hear about their spouse, or their father, or their mother, or their children who have passed away.  They never want them to be forgotten.  I don’t know how many times I’ve asked mothers and fathers how long it has been since I helped them with the death of their child.  That answer varies in number of years, but what never varies is the sentence that comes after that number —  “Thanks for asking”.

 

You see, while America lost close to three million people in 2022 due to death, nobody wants their loved one to be forgotten. . especially at this most beautiful time of the year.  And, most people avoid bringing up the deceased because they feel that it reminds the survivors of bad or sad times.  That’s where funeral directors can help.

 

So, here is my challenge to every funeral director out there. . . . . go through your files and make at least one call per day through Friday of this week. . . only five calls total.  Call someone who has had a death in the family this past year and just tell them you are thinking of them and this being their first Christmas without that loved one.  I guarantee you that they will be glad you called. . . . . and I will also guarantee you that a short 5-minute visit with them will make you feel good as the funeral director that took care of them. . . . Caretaking is what funeral directors do and there is no reason to stop caring simply because the body has been cremated or buried and the bill has been paid.

 

Being a funeral director is hard work.  And, it is very time consuming . . especially since profit points come from efficiency ratios of serving more and more families per funeral director.  However, consumers don’t seem to have the confidence or desire of purchasing traditional funeral services any more.  Just maybe it is because we don’t spend the time with each family like we used to . . . maybe our own efficiency ratios are driving families to just expect lesser services and that is leading to a downward spiral.

 

Take my challenge and call a family a day this week just to tell them you are thinking of them and the loved one they will miss this holiday season.  The results may be worth it.

More news from the world of Death Care:

• A valley non-profit is trying to offset funeral costs for parents whose children die.  Fronteras (AZ)
• Forestvale Cemetery is continuing to clear damage and debris from November windstorm.  KTVH (MT)
• The secret, vibrant life of Paris’ famed Pere Lachaise Cemetery.  RFI (France)
• Lake Erie Catering reaches out with community dinner.  Star Beacon (OH)
• Lake Erie Cremation and Funeral Services website.  (OH)

Enter your e-mail below to join the 3,050 others who receive Funeral Director Daily articles daily: