The longer we live, the more we learn about ourselves and others.

 

As you may know my wife, Angie, and I winter for three months in Southwest Florida.  This past week I’ve been alone as Angie each year  takes a week or ten days to travel back to Minnesota to visit with her mother, see our sons, and check in on her volunteer activities.  So, on Saturday night I took in a movie by myself at a local theatre.

 

I perused the listings of the two local theatres and really chose a movie based on the time of the movie and the offerings at that time.  The movie that I chose was titled “I Can Only Imagine 2 ” and after seeing it I would highly suggest you going to watch it.  In essence, without giving away the plot, it is a “based on a true story” and is about the Christian band MercyMe and the backstory of the history of the hit song “Even If “.

 

What hit me during the movie was that I thought about all the columns I write with Funeral Director Daily about the business of death care and how we are supposed to relate to the families we serve.  However when watching the movie, which includes scenes of at least one band member attending grief classes, I was struck about how we prepare for our jobs, but don’t always prepare for the conditions or mental health status of the individuals and families we are serving.  It occurred to me during the movie that if families came to us on a linear mental health scale of 1 to 100, we get them at both ends of the spectrum. . . . . and I don’t think we always realize that. . . . or are ready for that.

 

And, when I thought about the movie, and the human condition, over the last couple of days I came to believe that there is a situation as funeral directors where we are under tremendous stress because we always want to care for our client families in a perfect fashion — that’s just who funeral directors are.  For instance we might worry about how the body looks, about getting the flowers to the church on time, on making sure that the police escort arrives, and many more things you don’t even think about. . . but that put stress on your mind and body over time.

 

I also came to conclude that if we have that stress on and on over time, then we need to also have a balance in our lives to relieve that stress and, finally, we need a sense of gratitude to realize that that stress we put on ourselves is making a difference for the families that we serve.

 

Here’s a little bit on how I see that this process has worked for me:

 

Responsibility —  I’ve always had a tremendous amount of responsibility  —  some of it put on me simply because I always wanted to please people, some because I wanted to have a good economic future, and some responsibility was simply put on me by others who trusted me to get the “job done”.

 

During my working life I always wanted to please families and I also wanted to serve my church and community by helping where I could.  Like most funeral directors and owners/managers it meant sometimes putting in 12-15 hour days.

 

Balance —  Having that responsibility caused me to be around people, and never alone, for long periods of time.  And, during my working life, my time away from work and community responsibilities generally was spent with being at growing children’s activities — again around people.

 

It’s one reason why I really enjoyed being home and just “vegging” watching sports or television.  That vegging “Balanced” out that busy life.  And, I was fortunate that Angie understood my need to “be alone” at times.

 

Interestingly enough, I always enjoyed going to movies, or flying on an airplane, or going on a short cruise.  I think one of the reasons I really enjoyed those things during my working years is that I had no responsibility — I only had to show up and someone else was responsible.  It was a deviation from the norm (of funeral directing and being the responsible party) in my life.

 

Gratitude —  One of the great takes from the movie the other night was the idea of how “Gratitude” should enter our lives.  In my life, I have so many things and people to be grateful for.  I also think it is good for my mental health to understand that that is the case and whatever I have accomplished in this life, others helped pave the way for me.  I think that is really important to understand.

 

I have a lot of gratitude to remember in my life.  Parents, siblings, friends, teachers, community members, fellow work team members, but most of all that a higher power, in my Christian faith, Jesus Christ, has allowed me the health and well-being to simply live my life.

 

Finally, I think having that gratitude gives me a better attitude with everything.  In that regard, here’s a quote from Oprah Winfrey:

 

“The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.”

 

Final Thought:  I never really thought about “Mental Attitude” or “Mental Health” until after I retired and became a Board Member of the University of Minnesota.  During my working life I was stoic and just did what I had to do to get the job done.

 

However, as I talked to students and learned of their stress over paying for college, taking out loans, passing a class or flunking out, working part-time simply to pay a dormitory bill or other living expenses I realized that they had lots of responsibilities and no time for balance.

 

I got to the point where I advocated for putting mental health counselors as close to the students as we could. . . .even having offices in dormitories so they were available when students needed them.

 

Today, I’m convinced that if you are a funeral director you take responsibility seriously and are there to help families.  If that is so, make sure that you get time for a “Balance” in your life and also take time to be “Grateful” for those who have helped you or put their faith in you. . . .You will be better off for it. . .

 

And. . . . if you are looking for quiet night out and a good movie to go to. . . . . . .

 

Related — MercyMe the band from Wikipedia

Related — “Even If” the song from Wikipedia

 

More news from the world of Death Care:

• Consumer Reports:  Advance planning can help families manage funeral costs and avoid scams.  WKYC NBC – Cleveland (OH)
• Afghan community of Erie obtains cemetery property.  YourErie.com  (PA)
• “Outdated” cremation law causes distress for families and risk of prosecution for doctors.  Jersey Evening Post (Great Britain)

 

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“A servant’s attitude guided by Christ leads to a significant life”