Boss vs. Leader: Which are you?

April 2, 2025/Business/

I had the opportunity to attend a funeral mass at our local Roman Catholic church last week for a retired funeral director friend of mine. He was a really good person who was a one-time competitor of mine but most recently his daughter, a really exceptional funeral director in her own right, is employed at the firm I operated for over 30 years and is now part of our team.

I’ve been out of funeral home ownership and operation for over 11 years already. However, much of the team that I worked with is still together and out of respect for their fellow team member, not only conducted last week’s funeral, but attended en masse as well.

Those fellow workers sat as a group of about 16 people three pews in front of my seat. As I looked at them being ushered in I looked at them with awe for at least two reasons. First of all, it came to my mind how good they all are in their chosen profession. And, I know from living in the community my entire life, the personal sacrifices they have made for the community they live in and the families that they have served.

Secondly, I thought of how fortunate I was to be able to work along side that group, and some others now retired or deceased, for my entire funeral director career. Being the funeral home owner, I always considered myself their “leader” and tried to lead by example.

For quite a long time, I’ve had the graphic that you see at the top of this article on a bulletin board next to my desk at home. While only my fellow team members can relate their own experience with me, I hope they saw me as a “Leader” and not a “Boss”. The graphic was there to remind me every single day what “Leadership” actually is all about.

Here’s an article that I found from Indeed.com listing ten differences between a “Leader” and a “Boss”.

Funeral Director Daily take: I once took a class on “Servant Leadership” and realized that without even knowing it, I had been a “Servant Leader” for most of my life. I would also argue that if you are a funeral director who serves your community daily, and at times through times of crisis because of untimely tragic deaths, you are probably also a servant leader.

“Servant Leadership” by my definition is leading in a Christ-like manner. . . .”serve others like you would want to be served”. I think that attitude is not only good for business — but good for life as well. It’s my opinion that trying to improve on your “Leadership” capabilities every day is a great exercise. . I still try to.

If you are like me you probably need constant reminders that serving in this capacity is what needs to be done. I wear a bracelet on my left wrist that says, “Lead. . . for God’s sake“. It reminds me of a book on leadership that I read authored by former basketball coach Todd Gongwer titled the same.

I also read an excerpt every day, and have done so for over 20 years, from a daily book in which I try to improve the traits of Compassion, Kindness, Humility, Gentleness, and Patience in my life. This year’s daily book is Billy Graham’s “Wisdom for Each Day”.

Finally, a book that I have read more than once in that 20 years is Tony Dungy’s “Uncommon Life Daily Challenge”. It’s a book that has improved my life and leadership skills and is, coming from Dungy’s football background, a daily book that really relates to men. I’ve given it as a gift to dozens of people and would suggest it for those of you who want to improve your leadership capabilities.

Tony Dungy and I at a U of Minnesota football game

An Interesting Story: When I attended the University of Minnesota eventual Pro Football Hall of Fame Coach Tony Dungy was the quarterback of the football team. . . i.e. an alumnus of the University of Minnesota. After being inducted into the Hall of Fame in 2016 he was invited back to the University of Minnesota to be recognized at a football game.

During that time I was serving on the Board of Regents at the U of Minnesota. Unknown to me, the night before the football game the University President, CFO, and Athletic Director went to dinner with Mr. Dungy. They all brought his book, “Uncommon Life Daily Challenge” to be autographed. Turns out that they eventually realized they all got those books as gifts from me.

I received a call later that night from the CFO. He wanted to know if I was going to be at the football game the next day. . . I said “Yes. Why?”. . . . He then told me that Tony Dungy wanted to meet the guy buying all of his books. . . To make a long story short, that led to a wonderful visit with Tony Dungy, someone whose faith has inspired me to grow mine.

Servant Leadership — In the future I will write a column about why I think Servant Leadership can improve your business, why your staff should know about it, and where to learn more about it.

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