One of Hollywood’s biggest stars of the 50’s and 60’s died on Monday.  Actress and recording star Doris Day died  from complications of pneumonia.  She was 97.

According to an article that you can read here, Day will have no funeral, no memorial, and no grave marker.  Day was brought up in the Catholic faith but was known to be a practicing Christian Scientist.

Day’s manager, Bob Bashara comments that he was unsure as to why Day did not want to have a funeral.  He did say, “I think it was because she was a very shy person.”  The article also points out that those wishes were made clear in her will.

Doris Day will be remembered for playing the leading lady in romantic comedies that starred, among others, Rock Hudson, Cary Grant, James Garner, and Rod Taylor.  She also recorded over 600 songs and was praised for her musical talent by none other than Paul McCartney, Sarah Vaughan, and Tony Bennett.

Funeral Director Daily take:  As a child I can remember the lighthearted romantic comedies of Doris Day. . . .she was the All-American girl next door.  What is interesting to me, and somewhat hard to comprehend, is why would she not want a service or a grave marker to commemorate her life?

The article that I read does not say if she was cremated, buried, or entombed. . . .only that she wants no services and no grave marker.  We are left somewhat wondering about the disposition of her remains.

Doris Day was not a Baby Boomer wanting to do things “her own way”.  She was a member of the Greatest Generation which generally did things as society prescribed. . . .and her generation had a high propensity for tradition.  You might have thought of a traditional funeral with earth burial if you had guessed on the disposition.

Day’s wishes just continue to prove to me how difficult it is to understand “personal wishes from a public persona”.  I think that is one more thing that makes figuring out profitable death care solutions in the future so difficult.  We just don’t know what the future client thinks or wants.

I think we also have to look in at ourselves as funeral directors and ask if we can prove that “memorialization” is meaningful.  It is for me. . . I stopped out on Sunday (Mother’s Day) to visit my Mom’s grave — she died in 2011.  I also stop out to see my Dad’s grave and he has been gone for 42 years. . . and I don’t just see them, I visit with them, think back to the care and love they gave me,  and continue to tell them how much they meant to me.  Having this memorialization, with a monument with their names appearing, is a blessing to me.  But, how do I convey that value to those who do not think of such?

I believe for profitable funeral service in the future, that might be the biggest question that we need to answer to a skeptical consumer crowd.

Memorialization is very important. . . .but how can we convey that message to those who see no value in it?  If, and how, we do that will make a difference in where our profession moves in the next decade or so.  If we fail to get that message across, I fear that we will become no more than disposition services.

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